That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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