You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
