so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
