i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
