I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
