Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
