Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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