Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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