She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I need water and some morals
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
