So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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