I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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