I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
