rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
