There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
