i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
