guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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