it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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