She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
