Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
