we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
