apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
