oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
