i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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