Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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