I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
