Welp...herpes.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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