The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
