had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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