Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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