Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
