the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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