Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
