Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
