I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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