How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
