she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
