hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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