I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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