sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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