# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
