im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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