you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
