Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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