It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
