Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
