I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
