even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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