and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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