I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
