I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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