He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Alive.
So much puke
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
